Many friends have suggested that I try online dating. The new online social networking strategies seem to be the way of the future for city dating, so I am told. But I am not totally convinced. There are some creepy people out there and I do not really feel like offering up the bait to attract them. Besides, I much prefer seeing a person in front of me and learning about him from his spoken word, rather than checking out his profile and perhaps extremely photo-shopped portrait shot, which may not even be him! I no longer accept Facebook invitations from guys I like, because I hate the whole “spying” quality of this online connection. I much prefer to get to know a guy in person.
That said, I know of many couples that have met via the online dating route and who have continued on with successful relationships. Props to them. I have given some thought to the idea, but rather than jump on the online dating bandwagon I have instead decided to steal the concept of online dating and apply it to offline dating. What is it that makes Match.com work? There are two main components: one, you “put out there” what you are looking for so as to attract what you want, and two, you filter through options and focus in one ones that seem to have what you are looking for.
So I am now taking the first step of “putting it out there”. Technically, this is still online, being my blog and all, but I fully intend to make my wishes more clear early on when meeting a man in person. I guess I should be more upfront about what I want from the start, just so there are no surprises. Apparently I give off the impression that I just like to have fun and in no way am interested in being in a relationship. That’s what they tell me at least. Well, they are wrong. And perhaps it is my fault for not having made things more clear.
Men – let me tell you what it is that I do want. In simple and direct language so that I make myself clear from the get go. I want to be in mutually respectful, beneficial, loving and honest relationship. If you are not looking for the same, then no need to read my personals ad below!
Here goes my ad:
Single white female looks for a 30-something year old man who is open to the idea of a committed relationship. He will ideally be my opposite: rational, somewhat grounded, good with power tools, and even-keeled. He will love children and hope to have one or two or three of his own one day. It is fine with me if he already has one or two kids, but in that case he should be a loving, dedicated father and he should absolutely want some more (with me). A man who lives in the same city as me could be a good start. A man who is not married, or dating another woman (I don’t care if things are going poorly with her – that’s your problem, do not make it mine). A man who has not just terminated a long relationship. Call me only once you have gotten over her and are ready to commit again. Intelligence is very sexy. A man who can stimulate my brain as much as my nether regions will reap the benefits. A man who finds leisure in outdoor activities, theatre, concerts, reading, etc are generally preferred to men that play video games and watch endless hours of television. A man who loves and values food (if he likes to cook, extra points!). Physically, I like when a man is taller than me and who smiles a lot. I find laughing wrinkles around the eyes adorable. I’m flexible with nationality and language preference, although some basic knowledge of English would not be a bad thing. No matter how we communicate, we should be able to understand one another. A sense of humor, a positive outlook on life, and an all around honest, genuine and friendly nature is a must.
More or less, this is what I am looking for in a man. I’m pretty sure if I mention any part of this to a guy within the first three dates he will run away as fast as possible. But hey – “running fast” did not make the list.
Now on to the second step taken from the online dating technique, and probably the more important step: filter through the options and only respond to ones that fit the profile. One thing is to want the above mentioned qualities in a man, and another is to choose a man with none of those qualities and then get upset that he did not live up to (my) expectations. Come on, we all do it! But this is where I generally error, so I am making a conscious effort to not seduce or amuse emotionally or otherwise unavailable men.
Now I’ve started the process online, in this blog. The hard part is to now make it apply to my offline life [gulp]. I’ll let you know how it goes.